(10-16-2013)
Enough is enough. While the purpose of my blog is to share the many things I am thankful for and the numerous ways God has blessed me and my family, today I feel I need to share my heart on a matter that seems to have plagued us wives and moms.
What matter am I referring to? Well, I refer to it as the "picture-perfect" matter. I think we all know what I am talking about. We've read blogs on everything from homeschooling to cooking to home births to raw foods. Most of these blogs are full of useful and practical information that wives or moms (or anyone really) can take and apply to their own lives and families.
However, has anyone else seemed to have noticed the subtle condescending bandwagon that seems to surround them? Let me remind you. Oh, you work outside the home? Don't you feel guilty about that? You chose public (or private) schools over homeschooling? Why? What do you mean you gave birth at a hospital? Didn't you feel powerless by having to follow the doctor's rules and timelines? How could you feed your family fast food? Do you know what's in that?
Yes, I think you know what I'm talking about. Sigh.
For me, today was the final straw. I came across a blog post entitled "Good Mother's Don't Ask Questions ", in which the author talked about her concerns regarding doctors who tell pregnant women that pregnancy is too scary and that they will take care of everything for them. In other words,the author felt that doctor's tell pregnant women it's OK to be uneducated in their medical care while pregnant because they will take care of everything. (More on that in a moment.)
While I was reading this post, I then came across a comment which said the following:
"I’m glad I had a home birth. Hospitals are for sick people. Not healthy pregnant women."
I cannot even begin to describe how angry this statement made me. For starters, it just comes across as ignorant. Don't
get me wrong, I have a lot of respect and admiration for all the
mothers out there who have had home births or birthed at a birthing
center. But let's get one thing straight, not everyone is blessed with a
"picture-perfect" pregnancy or birth. I do agree that no matter your situation, you should educate yourself and have an active part in your own care, however you should not be a puppet to a doctor, or anyone for that matter.
However, after reflecting on this article and the comment or a while, it dawned on me that women today feel the need to be empowered and self-sufficient so much so that it has consumed us to the point where we strive to have a "picture-perfect" life at all cost. We surf Pinterest and pin idyllic crafts, recipes, and decorating tips. We follow countless blogs trying to gain more insight on how to do things more effective and efficiently. We join Facebook groups in hopes of gaining knowledge from others who are in the same situations in life as us. And, we compare. We compare everything from our cooking abilities to how we raise our kids to how we give birth to who keeps house the best. But why? Why do we feel the need to do everything on our own and to be the best at everything we do. (For clarification: we should do OUR best but we don't need to BE the best.)
The more I thought about all of this, the more I began to think about what Christ's picture of a wife and mother looks like. Good thing He left us a description!
In Proverbs 31:10-31 (The Message), we read about The Wife of Noble Character:
A good woman is hard to find,
and worth far more than diamonds.
Her husband trusts her without reserve,
and never has reason to regret it.
Never spiteful, she treats him generously
all her life long.
She shops around for the best yarns and cottons,
and enjoys knitting and sewing.
She’s like a trading ship that sails to faraway places
and brings back exotic surprises.
She’s up before dawn, preparing breakfast
for her family and organizing her day.
She looks over a field and buys it,
then, with money she’s put aside, plants a garden.
First thing in the morning, she dresses for work,
rolls up her sleeves, eager to get started.
She senses the worth of her work,
is in no hurry to call it quits for the day.
She’s skilled in the crafts of home and hearth,
diligent in homemaking.
She’s quick to assist anyone in need,
reaches out to help the poor.
She doesn’t worry about her family when it snows;
their winter clothes are all mended and ready to wear.
She makes her own clothing,
and dresses in colorful linens and silks.
Her husband is greatly respected
when he deliberates with the city fathers.
She designs gowns and sells them,
brings the sweaters she knits to the dress shops.
Her clothes are well-made and elegant,
and she always faces tomorrow with a smile.
When she speaks she has something worthwhile to say,
and she always says it kindly.
She keeps an eye on everyone in her household,
and keeps them all busy and productive.
Her children respect and bless her;
her husband joins in with words of praise:
“Many women have done wonderful things,
but you’ve outclassed them all!”
Charm can mislead and beauty soon fades.
The woman to be admired and praised
is the woman who lives in the Fear-of-God.
Give her everything she deserves!
Festoon her life with praises!
and worth far more than diamonds.
Her husband trusts her without reserve,
and never has reason to regret it.
Never spiteful, she treats him generously
all her life long.
She shops around for the best yarns and cottons,
and enjoys knitting and sewing.
She’s like a trading ship that sails to faraway places
and brings back exotic surprises.
She’s up before dawn, preparing breakfast
for her family and organizing her day.
She looks over a field and buys it,
then, with money she’s put aside, plants a garden.
First thing in the morning, she dresses for work,
rolls up her sleeves, eager to get started.
She senses the worth of her work,
is in no hurry to call it quits for the day.
She’s skilled in the crafts of home and hearth,
diligent in homemaking.
She’s quick to assist anyone in need,
reaches out to help the poor.
She doesn’t worry about her family when it snows;
their winter clothes are all mended and ready to wear.
She makes her own clothing,
and dresses in colorful linens and silks.
Her husband is greatly respected
when he deliberates with the city fathers.
She designs gowns and sells them,
brings the sweaters she knits to the dress shops.
Her clothes are well-made and elegant,
and she always faces tomorrow with a smile.
When she speaks she has something worthwhile to say,
and she always says it kindly.
She keeps an eye on everyone in her household,
and keeps them all busy and productive.
Her children respect and bless her;
her husband joins in with words of praise:
“Many women have done wonderful things,
but you’ve outclassed them all!”
Charm can mislead and beauty soon fades.
The woman to be admired and praised
is the woman who lives in the Fear-of-God.
Give her everything she deserves!
Festoon her life with praises!
At first, this list seems daunting. But that's the thing! It's not meant to be a check-list for us to simply read through and complete in a day, week, or even month. It's a guide for us wives and moms on how to live a Christ-centered life that is pleasing to the Lord!
Consider this, verse 30 tells us that, "...the woman to be admired and praised is the woman who lives in the Fear-of-God." This is not something that can be achieved overnight, but rather is something that takes a lifetime to learn and practice.
For me, as I pondered how one goes about living a Christ-centered life and fulfilling all the things mentioned in Proverbs 31, I was reminded that the greatest commandment is to "‘love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind" and the second greatest commandment is to "love your neighbor as yourself" (Matthew 22:37-39 NIV.) From this passage we can gather that love is where it all begins. But how do we love? The answer to this can be found in 1 Corinthians 13: 3-7 (The Message):
"...Love never gives up.
Love cares more for others than for self.
Love doesn’t want what it doesn’t have.
Love doesn’t strut,
Doesn’t have a swelled head,
Doesn’t force itself on others,
Isn’t always “me first,”
Doesn’t fly off the handle,
Doesn’t keep score of the sins of others,
Doesn’t revel when others grovel,
Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,
Puts up with anything,
Trusts God always,
Always looks for the best,
Never looks back,
But keeps going to the end."
Love cares more for others than for self.
Love doesn’t want what it doesn’t have.
Love doesn’t strut,
Doesn’t have a swelled head,
Doesn’t force itself on others,
Isn’t always “me first,”
Doesn’t fly off the handle,
Doesn’t keep score of the sins of others,
Doesn’t revel when others grovel,
Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,
Puts up with anything,
Trusts God always,
Always looks for the best,
Never looks back,
But keeps going to the end."
What I hope to take away from all of this is that it doesn't matter what I am good at or how much I accomplish as long as I am doing it out of my love for God and my family. If I live each day with that purpose in mind, there should be no reason to compare myself to others or to strive for the "picture-perfect" life. Instead, I CHOOSE to live a Christ-centered life that is pleasing to the One who made me.
