He Makes All Things New

(4-5-2013) 

"He makes springs pour water into ravines; 

it flows between mountains.

They give water to all the beasts of the field; 

the wild donkeys quench their thirst.

The birds of the sky nest by the waters; 

they sing among the branches.

He waters the mountains from his upper chambers; 

the land is satisfied by the fruit of his work.

He makes grass grow for the cattle, and plants for people to cultivate--

bringing forth food from the earth. 

wine that gladdens human hearts, 

oil to make their faces shine, 

and bread that sustains their hearts.

The trees of the LORD are well watered,

the cedars of Lebanon that he planted.

There the birds make their nests; 

 the stork has its home in the junipers. 

The high mountains belong to the wild goats; 

the crags are a refuge for the lynx."

-Psalm 104: 10-18

The last few years have been challenging on many levels, one of those being my faith. While I have never doubted that God exists, I have wrestled with the good vs. evil factor. Due to my health issues and infertility, I have been more attuned to these issues in other people. As a result, I have found myself asking how a God who is "supposed" to be loving would allow His children to suffer like this. I always come back to Matthew 7:9-11, which says, "Which of you, if your son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or, if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? If you, then, though you are evil know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!"

So, logically, I think to myself, "If people like me, who are His children, ask Him for something good, like a child or improved health, and He doesn't respond, then what does that truly say about Him?"

Well, sadly, it has taken me a lot of tears, anger, and bitterness to come to the realization that even if we ask for something we think is good, He may have something better in store OR He may have a very good reason for saying no or not now.

For me, I was hit with the reality square in the face upon having my laparoscopy last month. While I have known since I was a teenager that I have endometriosis,the doctor found something I wasn't expecting; due to scarring from my c-section with Maddie, my uterus had adhered to my abdominal wall. Whoa! Now, I haven't met with my doctor for my follow-up appointment yet so I can't say this for sure, but I can't imagine that would have been good for a pregnancy. So maybe or maybe not, but perhaps He wasn't answering our prayers for more kids because I needed to have this issue corrected. I don't know, but He does and I'm OK with that now.

So, what does this story have to do with the pictures and passage posted above? For starters, I LOVE spring. To me, it has always painted an image of regrowth, rebirth, and renewal. So, when I came across this passage, it made me think about two things. First, it made me think about how amazing it is that we can get food from something as small as a tiny seed, all because God designed it that way. Second, it made me realize that if God cares about His plants and animals enough that He supplies what they need in order to sustain them, how much more so would He do that for us.

In the end, I have come to realize how truly selfish I am. I never should have doubted or questioned God's faithfulness and I should always trust that He will care for me and my family. We may not get everything that we want but He will supply everything that we need. 

Maddie may be the only child we ever have, and I'm trying to learn to be OK with that. It's a day by day process of letting go, but I am trying to focus on appreciating the gift in her that we have rather than mourning the emptiness of something we might never get.